Busy, busy, busy!

Phew! The past couple weeks have been very hectic! I finally got a job, I'm working for Home Depot's internet division. I track returns to various vendors from customers that order online but return items to the stores for refunds. Its not glamorous or exciting,  but the pay is decent,  the work is easy (mind numbing actually, lol) and most of the people are pretty nice. Its definitely the low stress kinda job I needed to get back into the work force. I don't know that I'll ever be ready to go back into the kind of high power position I was in at my last job, I don't think I'll ever be able to deal with that kind of stress again. I miss the pay, getting to occasionally travel,  and working with international companies,  but I definitely don't miss the douche bags I had to work with in my office. Nor do I miss having to work with upper management and their complete and utter lack of understanding of how anything really worked. Don't get me wrong, I've already seen many shining examples of corporate incompetence at the new job,  but other than a few annoying petty things I am not responsible for dealing with any of it. I just have to keep telling myself that I DO NOT want to climb the corporate ladder!!! Sometimes I really hate that I am ambitious, I already know that I can't cut it in any kind of leadership position. Been there, done that,  turned into a total tyrant! I am not a pleasant person to work for,  lol.

Unfortunately my work hours and Carson's work hours are very incompatible. We don't get to spend much time together now. I don't like it at all. On top of that the manager and other assistant manger where he works are seriously pathetic petty little people who are (insert sarcastic tone) just totally bestest friends!!! (gag me) You'd never know either one of them was older than 16. His manager, Stacy, doesn't say peep to Carson when she has a problem,  instead she tells Ricky and they both act pissy towards Carson. Then, at some point, Ricky will tell Carson,  in a completely unprofessional way,  that something is wrong. I'm about ready to go up there and hurt some people! I have a big problem with the people I care about being mistreated. If we could afford for Carson to be out of work until he could find something else I would go up there too. We really have to get him out of the fast food industry because it seems that this petty crap is all he's ever going to find in places like this. We both really wish we had gotten his resume to the temp agency I'm using in time for him to have maybe gotten this job with me.  We would have been doing pretty well financially,  working the same hours which would have meant we could ride to work together and save a bundle on gas, and both have weekends off to actually start to be able to go out and do things again.

I've been pretty exhausted since I started this job. I had been keeping the same hours as Carson and now I'm having to get up by 5am, quite a shock to the system! Factor in having severe sleep apnea and I'm struggling to stay awake at work. The funny thing is, as tired as I am and as much as I have to get up and move around to stay awake,  I'm still blowing the other people I was hired to help outta the water when it comes to numbers. Word is the bosses are already talking about a permanent position for me,  which would be really awesome. Having a stable job would definitely go a good ways towards easing some of my anxieties. It wouldn't be the first time I'd worked my way into a job that didn't exist before I came along. There's a lot of possibilities for other work that needs to be done that would be a little more interesting than what I'm doing now.

One of my mom's sisters had a stroke last week.  She didn't tell anyone about it until Saturday I guess. I got a call from my Aunt Nancy Saturday morning. Normally I don't think I would have gone to the hospital to see this particular aunt,  there's a lot of bad blood between she and my mother, as well as bad blood between her daughter and me. Aunt Nancy was bringing my grandmother down though and I don't get to see her often so I went. It was nice to see some of my mom's family. I just have a lot of issues to work through regarding most of them and the things my mom, in her pain pill, pain, and alcohol induced paranoia and insanity would tell me. I don't know what was true and what wasn't,  but it makes it extremely hard for me to trust many of them. I am trying to get past it though. Maybe someday I'll be close to some of them again,  but there are a couple that I know I will never be able to forgive or trust. Some things that were done and said before and after my mom's wreck that killed my real mother and left me with a stranger with my mother's face for 15 years. Unless my mother finds a way to come back from the dead, and is a lucid and sane person, I will probably never know what was the truth and what wasn't. I'll never tell any of them the things she told me, I wouldn't want to hurt any of them like that,  because no matter what else happened or happens they are my family and I'll always love them.

There's not much else going on,  at least not much worth writing about. Just the same old anxieties and depression,  trying to get through each day without having a nervous breakdown or bursting into tears for reasons those around me aren't aware of. Hopefully I won't go so long without blogging again. Take care everyone...