I really think that if something in my life doesn't turn around soon I may implode. Every day the struggle to keep it together gets harder and I can barely keep my head above water. I told Carson to stop and spend $1 on a lottery ticket on his way in to work today. I know the odds of winning anything are ridiculously low, but even if it was just a thousand or a couple hundred dollars it would keep us afloat a little longer for me to find a job. Just having that little bit of relief would be an enormous help for me right now. I figure $1 won't make or break us at this point so if we get a ticket or sometimes two a month, we're not losing much and like I said, it gives me just that little bit of hope. Silly, right? I guess, in the end, we all do what we have to in order to keep going. Who knows, it could happen. With as bad as my luck has been most of my life, I'm due for some good luck soon! Maybe that means I win some money, maybe that means that tomorrow I get a call about a job, I don't know but I have to hang on to something or I will give up.
I feel like I have more to say, but everything is just a whirlwind in my head right now that I can't pull anything coherent together. I think I'll just end with the lyrics to what has to be one of my all time favorite songs of hope, Imagine by John Lennon. I hope someday we can achieve Lennon's vision of peace.
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
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